Habits of Emotionally Intelligent People

 

Daniel Goleman 1995 Emotional Intelligence “Argued that success in life is equally, if not more dependent, on how well one understands and employs emotions, than on the more academic aspects of IQ.”

What is emotional intelligence and why is it important?

There are 5 domains of emotional intelligence:

·       Self-awareness, knowing what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. This includes recognizing emotions the moment it happens and the sensations in the body.

·       Self- management, handling your distressing emotions effectively, so that you respond appropriately. Thinking before you react.

·       Self-motivation, devoting ourselves to a task or goal. To exhibit self-control and handle impulsive distractions. The ability to bounce back when we experience set backs. Sometimes described as determination or resilience.

·       Empathy, knowing how others are feeling, to understand what others say and be attuned to verbal and non-verbal cues.

·       Relationships, getting along with others and handling conflict effectively.

Here is an animated summary of Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence, 1995. Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books  

So what can you do to develop your emotional intelligence. Kendra Cherry, suggests the following 7 Habits of Emotionally Intelligent People.

1. Emotionally intelligent people pay attention to what they are feeling.

Psychologist and author Daniel Goleman identifies self-awareness as one of the key components of emotional intelligence. Self-awareness involves the ability to recognize moods, emotions, and feelings. Part of self-awareness also involves being aware of how your emotions and moods influence other people. This ability to monitor your own emotional states is a basic requirement for emotional intelligence.

2. They understand how other people feel.

Empathy is another of Goleman's major elements of emotional intelligence. This involves the ability to understand the emotions of other people. In order to interact with other people in multiple life domains, such as at work or at school, you need to be able to know what they are feeling. If a co-worker is upset or frustrated, knowing what he is feeling can give you a much better idea of how to respond.

3. They are able to regulate their emotions.

Self-regulation is absolutely central to emotional intelligence. Understanding your emotions is great, but not particularly useful if you cannot make use of this knowledge. Emotionally intelligent people think before they act on their feelings. They are in tune with how they feel, but they do not let their emotions rule their lives.

 How to Develop and Use Self-Regulation in Your Life

4. They are motivated.

Emotionally intelligent people are motivated to achieve their goals and capable of managing their behaviors and feelings in order to achieve long-term success. They might be nervous about making a change in their lives, but they know that managing this fear is important. By taking a leap and making the change, they know that they might make their lives better and come one step closer to attaining their goals. 

5. They have great social skills.

Emotionally intelligent people also tend to have strong social skills, probably in part because they are so attuned to their own feelings as well as those of others. They know how to deal with people effectively, and they are invested in maintaining healthy social relationships and helping those around them succeed.

 Strategies to Help You Develop Social Intelligence Skills

6. They are willing and able to discuss feelings with others.

Sometimes people are empathetic and in tune with their emotions, but struggle to actually share these feelings with others. Emotionally intelligent people not only understand feelings, they know how to express them appropriately.

What exactly do we mean by appropriately? Imagine, for example, that you just had a particularly awful day at work. You are tired, frustrated, and angry about how things went at an important meeting. An inappropriate expression of your feelings might involve coming home and getting into an argument with your spouse or sending a nasty email to your boss. A more appropriate emotional reaction would be discussing your frustrations with your spouse, releasing some tension by going for a jog, and coming up with a plan to make the next day better than the one before.

7. They are able to correctly identify the underlying causes of their emotions. 

Imagine that you find yourself getting frustrated and angry with a co-worker. As you assess your feelings, analyze what you're really upset about. Are you mad about your co-worker’s actions, or does your anger stem from underlying frustrations and pressure from a boss who has heaped too much work and responsibility on your shoulders? Emotionally intelligent people are able to look at the situation and correctly identify the true source of their feelings.

At first, this might seem like an easy task, but the reality is that our emotional lives can be both complicated and messy. Locating the exact source of your feelings can be particularly tricky when you are dealing with powerful emotions such as love and anger.

Try them out and let me know what you notice in yourself and in others.